I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
