I hope mine doesn't look like that
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
