My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
