my vag is so smooth its legendary
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
