Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
