is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Alive.
So much puke
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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