i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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