i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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