is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
