Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Randomize
