He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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