i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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