He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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