She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
