he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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