Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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