dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
