break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We got so high we made milksteak
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
