I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
