Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
