I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
