i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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