Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
