i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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