Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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