I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
