Screwed.edu
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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