guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
