Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
