hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
