I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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