You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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