So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
bring money and cleavage
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
