i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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