Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
