this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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