Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
