We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
