All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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