we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
