shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
