So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
