I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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