I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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