Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
