i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
