i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
