genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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