his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
