best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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